You Are Too Far Out Of Reach, You Seem To Have Disappeared.

Hello readers (:
Yesterday went to polyclinic with my Aunt, the doctor diagnosed me with mild eczima problem. I suppose not many people ( maybe not at all :D ) know what problem is this. The doctor said its a disease -.- hahaha, jokes. Actually, its kind of normal for people to get this problem, but mine isn't that bad as its only on my arms and palms, so he said its a mild disease. All he prescribe me was a jar of aqeous cream, which is for dry skin as i have this sickening problem, & he gave me 2 tubes of eczima cream thing. After the doctors visit, my Aunt went to buy food for me from Tenderbest, Mmmm.. Yumyum! :DD Went to my grams place, ate the food that Aunt bought for me. About 2hours later, i ate dinner at my grams place. Everytyme, during hols i admit i eat alot, but this tyme, i never get to exercise as much as i used to because i am no longer part of the school team ( so called ) , so i never went to attend training. Besides, i have been busy & tired because of work, really. I wish i could come down to train with my Ex teammates, but i am afraid they will think i am being an extra & i should not come at all -.- I know the girls wouldn't say that about me, but i should butt out of the team as i would not be around next year anymore. If i still train with them, it will lead to an even more unbearable feeling for me to leave the school & the team ( yeahs, i went to sec5 was greatly because of the team okay, & i am still glad & proud we achieved a 2nd place (: ). Anyway, after the dinner, i went home with Darren, my younger brother. He was stressd up because he got into Greenview Sec -.- He actually wanted to, but he changed hys mind, he wanted to enter Siglap. Gave Mrs Goh a call last night, & he immediately could actually come to Siglap.

BUT! He changed hys mind again this morning -.- He wants to go Greenview, & he will be a normal tech student there. Gosh, hopefully his attitude don't get worse & hopefully he does not get more mean & rude & start behaving like hes older than everybody else -.- because i would hate that. Pffft. Anyway, i reported for work at 10:30am this morning. Working with ShiMin, but youknow what? She was late for about 1hour15mins, & during that 1hour15mins, i had to do the birthday party decorations alone. &&, people think it is easy to organize & set up everything, but it is not as easy as you all think, i tell you! Handling it alone is super tough. Furthermore, the sunny weather was killing me & the sun was practically glaring at my eyes! Argh. When she arrived at 11:45am, she helped me out alitte, then the guest arrived. Served the food & all, after that we played games with the birthday girl & her friends. The party ended at about 3:30pm, then we cleared the decorations. Went to shower & the both of us went home. So you see, i am extremely tired right now, my legs are aching. Tomorrow i have X'mas Dinner at my Grams place, cant wait to see what pressie's i get from my relatives! Thats the onlyy exciting part for me, i ain't particularly up for the food :DD &&, i should prolly refrain or perhaps, stop smoking so much. JR says i am killing myself too fast as i am shortening my life span, but what the hell!? Thats kinda like, what i'm trying to do, lols! :DD jokes. Hahaha. I get breathing difficulty whenever i smoke & i cannot think properly either, furthermore, i am destroying my stamina actually. Oh well, its so difficult for me so maybe i ought to stop, soooooooon. :D I'm done here, will update again, till here, ciaozxs ~

Thankyou Nadee for your advice, really appreciate it. But letting go just like that, is not as easy as it sounds or as it is said. There needs to have a lot more courage, & i doubt i have that courage anytyme yet. I really will reconsider what you advised me about, but i still need to think about it. Maybe i need tyme, i dont know? I just cant bear to let go, sigh. Damn, so confusing yet depressing. Hmmm, oh well. If he ends up dumping me, i will really concede defeat, i will accept it. Wont force hym to stick around when he doesnt want me anymore right? in the meantyme, i really dont want to let go. )':